A Foul Romance
A warning to all young men seeking romance, and a cautionary tale about preserved cabbage.
TODAY'S EDITION: Heavy fog around Coventry; visibility four feet; tea kettles performing admirably.
LEAD DISPATCH
COLUMNIST DISPATCHES
FLAT PRESS EDITION
The Mystery Of The Flat Cake
A worrying story about a flat cake and round teabags...
Writing In Columns
The new columnist gets to grips with his new role...
The Mystery of the Round Tea bags
The day I discovered round tea bags and almost had a breakdown...
Reflections on a Suspicious Scone Served at High Noon
It arrived upon a silver platter with an aura of quiet defiance. One bite confirmed our worst fears: it had been baked according to Euclidean principles rather than culinary tradition.
A Manifesto for the Immediate Restoration of Professional Whistling
Why modern urban life has suffered from the tragic disappearance of whistling telegraph boys, milkmen, and chimney sweeps, and how we may reverse this acoustic decline.