Andy Hawthorne

Andy Hawthorne - Writer

An ageing writer in Coventry, England. Dispatches from ordinary life — the funny, the mundane, and the bonkers.

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Taking The Jacket Off

Kettle is on, Mary is watching the TV, and I'm here, writing this. Something I’ve done day in, day out...

September 14th, 2026

Penhaligon’s Guide to Blogging - Take 4

Much is said about needing to rite for your bleeders. You must find topics that will be of interest to...

September 14th, 2026

The New Hat

It was raining outside so Rodney Ducklebury, who wanted to go and buy his morning newspaper, put on his hat. ...

September 13th, 2026 Fiction

THE GREASY SPOON - THE PERFORMANCE

SCENE BRIEFING SETTING: A snug, steam-fogged greasy spoon cafe in Coventry city centre. 10:15 AM on a chilly Friday. CHARACTERS: • JOE: Early...

September 12th, 2026 Radio Sketches

Breaking The News

Hello readers (any that are left after the explosion caused by my last column). I received an alert on my...

September 12th, 2026 Column

THE GREASY SPOON - METRIC MILES

SCENE BRIEFING SETTING: A snug, steam-fogged greasy spoon cafe in Coventry city centre. 10:15 AM on a chilly Tuesday. CHARACTERS:...

September 11th, 2026 Radio Sketches

Barnaby Finch Wakes Up

Mr Barnaby Finch esq. died at an undisclosed time on an undisclosed date. But one thing he knew very, very...

September 11th, 2026 Fiction

The Bicycle For Squares

Albert Wheeler built strange things. They often didn’t work. But that was fine, his brain didn’t work like a normal...

September 11th, 2026 Fiction

UPSIDE DOWN

SCENE BRIEFING SETTING: A modest suburban bedroom with rebellious gravity, then onto the telephone. CHARACTERS: • TED FLETCHER: Befuddled, dry, just trying to...

September 10th, 2026 Radio Sketches

Ed The Shed

I went out into the garden because it’s outside. I’ve never tried going in to find the garden. I suppose...

September 10th, 2026

The Great Paint Rip Off

Mary and I decided there were certain parts of our homestead that could do with a lick of paint. Little...

September 9th, 2026 Column

The Lost Property Office

The office smelled intensely of strong tea. It was barely bigger than a cupboard, lined with shelves full of forgotten...

September 9th, 2026 Fiction

The Wind Beneath His Wings

(Being a True and Largely Accurate Account of Harold Pumpernickel of Whifflington) Harold Pumpernickel was eighty-four years old, five feet...

September 9th, 2026 Fiction

The Column

Hello. Welcome to my column. I write this in the spirit of a Fleet Street column. If you don’t know...

September 8th, 2026 Column

The Penguin Saves The Day

There is no doubt, I am but a simple fellow. And while the beige sky lingers over Coventry, the pigeons...

September 8th, 2026