Andy Hawthorne

What happens when you need milk and sugar and your way to the shop is blocked by a Zaponian Intergalactic Transporter…

Arthur Boggins left his simple two up, two down house to pop to the local One Stop so he could replenish his caffeine levels. But, there was a minor inconvenience.

As he walked down his nondescript suburban road, he couldn’t easily pass the huge Zaponian Intergalactic transporter that was parked across the road and in several small gardens. It also seemed to have crushed the bin on the corner of the street. 

Arthur, being of an uncurious disposition, walked on because his need for coffee far outweighed any thoughts about why there was a huge intergalactic space craft at the end of his road. But, there was about to be another minor inconvenience. 

“Human, where do you think you are going?”

A tall, muscular man in a long trench coat and dark glasses appeared, just appeared, in front of him. 

“Down the shop mate, need milk and sugar. Not that it’s any business of yours.”

The man stared. 

“Do you not ponder why there is a Zaponian Intergalactic Transporter berthed on the street you reside on?”

Arthur shrugged, “Not really. The council are always digging something up somewhere. I’m assuming it will have buggered off before long.”

The tall man stared again. Arthur thought he was a bit odd with all his staring. 

“I am Unit 24/B of the Zaponian Seek And Destroy Termination Unit. My presence here should be of some concern to you.”

“Bugger. Have we got rats around here, then?”

More staring. 

“I know not of what you speak. My database search has implied a four-legged small mammal. So, I’m going to override. We are here to take over this inefficient planet.”

Arthur considered that for a moment. The street lights were a bit like a torch with dying batteries, so they could do with an upgrade. And the roads? More potholes than the surface of the moon. So, all-in-all he didn’t mind at all that this new bloke was offering to fix those things. 

“Well, I don’t know about the rest of the world, but our town needs new street lighting and road—“

“SILENCE! Your inability to understand your perilous situation means I have to file Form 234/B Section Alpha to the High Council.”

And the tall man shape-shifted right there, in front of Arthur. His human appearance sort of folded away and he became a shiny metal robot with antennas and a face that looked a little irritated with Galactic duties. 

Arthur recoiled at what he’d just seen. Rubbed his eyes and looked again. Still the robot. He shrugged. The council spending plans were a mystery and he was starting to understand why. 

“Impressive, mate. But I still need milk and sugar, so I’ll be on my way.”

Yes, there was staring. But this time from blood red and black chrome eyes. Oh, and a small shaking of the robot head. As though in some sort of cosmic disbelief. 

Arthur continued to the shop. People in the queue were discussing the space craft. 

“Have you seen it? It’s the size of a double-decker bus, but bigger. And more sideways.”

“Have you met them?”

“Yeah, really polite but a bit odd.”

“They are robots,” said Arthur. 

This time the staring was from other human beings. Then laughter with comments like: “Good one, mate!” And “Pfft! Robots!” 

Arthur shrugged. Paid for his milk and sugar and went home.

The Zaponian Intergalactic Transporter was still there, with glowing neon lights lit up all along the body. 

Hope it doesn’t mess with my WiFi signal, thought Arthur.