Is It a Boat or a Ship? (And What the Hell is a Chain Ferry?)

The debate started somewhere between Portsmouth and Ryde.

“Is this a boat or a ship?” I asked.

Mary gave me a look that said: please don’t start. Not again.

So I did some thinking. Dangerous, I know.

Apparently, ships are big, serious, seagoing types — like maritime accountants. Boats are smaller, chattier, and more likely to turn up uninvited at barbecues. A ferry, then, is a ship pretending not to be. It has decks, engines, and several teenagers pretending not to be on holiday with their parents.

But what about chain ferries?

Those slow, stubborn things pulled across rivers on a giant metal dog lead?

Well. They’re basically garden sheds with ambition.

So yes. All ferries are boats or ships.

Except chain ferries. They’re just trying their best.

And yes, a catamaran is a ship. Unless it’s the kind sailed by a man called Gavin who once ate a crab whole — then it’s a boat. Possibly a lifestyle.

Then, there’s the glorious hovercraft. Ten minutes of aerofoil brilliance between Southsea and Ryde. 

It’s an aerofoil and neither a ship nor a boat. Still, who needs a boat when you have a perfectly good teapot for sailing the high seas of your imagination?