Limerickles #1

Hello. Here is a set of slightly malfunctioning poems, in the style of a limerick-ish.

There was once a Sunday morning, 
That came with a serious warning, 
Head outside for a walk, 
And you won’t need a fork,
Because Saturday is in mourning.

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There once was a poem called Barry, 
Who couldn’t decide who to marry, 
Loved a ballad called Bess, 
Liked a sonnet called Jess, 
His best man was a limerick called Larry. 

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There once was a screwdriver named Lou, 
Who had an argument with a screw, 
He twisted and turned, 
Until his handle burned, 
BOLLOCKS! He yelled, turning the air blue. 

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There once was a bloke who was bored, 
So, he pulled an imaginary cord, 
It filled the room with smog, 
Then flushed him down the bog, 
He landed in a sewer like a fjord. 

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There once was a fox called Jim,  
Who enjoyed a glass of gin,  
He got lost in the mist,  
Due to him being pissed,  
So he slept it off in the bin.