Andy Hawthorne Andy Hawthorne
May 30th, 2025

Limericks #3

Poems

There once was a hoover that said no,
No matter the push, it wouldn’t go.
The owner screamed “PAIN!”
The hoover left a stain —
So they swept with a brush to and fro.


There once was a wise old spoon,
From the philosopher platoon,
It refused all spoon work,
And sat with a big smirk,
Offered wisdom in the afternoon.

There once was a kettle that screamed,
Every time it boiled — or so it seemed.
So a mug jammed the spout,
Gave the kettle a clout —
And now it just quietly steamed.

There once was a toaster called Fred,
Who was fatally allergic to bread.
It once toasted a crumpet,
Then courted a strumpet —
Now it lives in a shed, full of dread.

There once was a broom full of fear,
It would cry every time it swept near.
One day it swept a frog,
Who slipped down the bog —
Now it waits, hoping he’ll reappear.

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