The Greasy Spoon - 13th April 2026

—Blockades, Joe. 

—Eh? 

—Blockades. The Americans are blockading the Straits of Hornmaz. 

—It’s the Straits of Hormuz, mate.

—That’s what I said. 

—No, yer said something that sounded like ‘Hornmaz”. 

—Did I? 

—Yeah. 

—Anyway, we ain’t joining in according to Starmer. 

—Politics, I can’t be arsed. Drink yer coffee and talk about something else. 

—I can’t help it. Yer seen the other one Starmer is doing? 

—I s’pose yer gonna tell me anyway…

—Yeah, the fucking EU, mate. He wants ‘closer ties’ which is that yampy bugger’s way of saying he wants us back in. 

—I think a lot of people want back in. 

—Fuck that. I hate the EU. 

—Bit strong—

—Listen, don’t get me wrong. I like European nations. I have no problem with ‘em. I don’t want to be governed by ‘em. Simple. 

—He can’t take us back in without another referendum. 

—He’ll find a way. I don’t trust the bugger. 

—Lawyer, mate.

—Ah, very good point, dodgy bugger, by profession. Twice. A lawyer and a politician. 

—Some lawyers are alright. 

—S’pose. 

—We having more coffee? 

—I might have tea. 

—Wha’? 

—Yeah. 

—You feeling alright, Bob? 

—Fer fuck’s sake, I only said I might have a tea. 

—I know. But we always have coffee—

—Maybe I fancy a change.

—Blimey, next, you’ll be telling me you had more than one bath this week.

—Fuck off, you. I had two last week. 

—Ah, that explains why you want tea. 

—At least I don’t smell. 

—Nor do I. Apart from the fine aroma of coffee beans.

—And farts. 

—Childish, that. 

—True though. 

—We having one then? 

—Yeah, I’ll have a coffee. 

—Yer know it makes sense.