The Greasy Spoon - 17th April 2026

—Alright, Joe? 

—Yeah, sick of this shit weather. 

—It ain’t too bad. 

—Cold, windy and pissing down now and then. 

—It’s Spring. In England. What were yer expecting? 

—S’pose. 

—Anyway, he’s got to go. 

—Who? 

—Starmer. 

—Not politics. I can’t be arsed. 

—Yeah, but—

—He won’t go, mate, I’m telling yer. 

—He lied, though. 

—Ooh a politician that lied. Fancy that? 

—I know, but Boris got ousted over a slice of cake. 

—Yeah, well, it’s timing. 

—Eh? 

—They’ll leave him until close to the elections, then, they’ll get rid of him and say: “Look at us, we’re great”. 

—Ah, see what yer mean. Convince people to vote fer ‘em again. 

—Yep. 

—Another thing—

—Not more fuckin’ politics.

—Well, Trump and the Pope. It’s hilarious ain’t it? 

—Both fucking yampy if yer ask me. 

—Yeah, one who thinks he’s god and the other who prays to god. But they are both slagging each other. It’s brilliant. 

—Yeah, definitely comedy gold, is that. We eating today? 

—Nah. Stick with the coffee. That alright with you? 

—Yeah, mate. 

—‘Ere, did yer see? That big fuck off car park near the Belgrade is closing? 

—Yeah, the company is in trouble. What d’yer call ‘em? NCP I think. 

—Yeah, it stands for “No Cars Parking”. 

—Ha! Yer daft bugger. 

—One thing though, Joe.

—Bloody hell, here we go. 

—You’ll have to slow yer walking down. 

—Eh? 

—Yeah, they’re introducing 20 mph limits on roads with school on ‘em. 

—Ah yeah, I thought it was already that, to be honest. 

—Yeah, me too. It’s them fuckers on scooters that piss me off. I nearly got mowed down by one the other day. 

—it’s because they can’t see yer, Bob. What with you being a midget. 

—Fuck off, you. 

—Right, another brew? 

—Yeah, you can get ‘em. In case they can’t see me when I’m standing at the counter. 

—Nah, that won’t be the problem. It’ll be all the moths coming out of yer wallet—

—Cheeky sod, right, I’m going. 

—Get on with it, I’m gagging here.