The Greasy Spoon - Eye Test Edition

—Well, Joe, I am finally joining the ranks of the four-eyes. 

—Ah, need glasses now do yer? 

—Yep. 

—How blind are yer? 

—So, I was in the opticians, right? And she put them weird glasses on me face and covered one eye. Then, she asked me to read off from the third line on the chart.

—Right? 

—I said: “Er, what chart?” 

—Bloody hell! Yer couldn’t see the chart? 

—I could, but it was dead blurry. 

—Blimey. Blind as a fuckin’ bat, then. 

—Yeah. She started putting all them lenses in. And then, after about ten of the buggers, I could see. Nice and sharp, like. 

—Yep.

—But then she did the other eye. 

—And?

—Mate, even worse. I couldn’t see for shit. 

—That’s because you’re old. 

—Fuck off. It’s not. Well, it is, she said—

—See?

—No, wait, yer yampy sod. She said I had dry eyes. 

—Ah.

—Wha’?

—I get that an’ all. 

—D’yer have to put drops in, like?

—Yep.

—Great!

—Piss off, you. That’s—

—No, I mean great because it confirms something.

—Eh? 

—We are both old buggers. 

—Ha! True fact, that. 

—Right, more coffee? 

—Yeah, be rude not to.