The Penguin Saves The Day

There is no doubt, I am but a simple fellow. And while the beige sky lingers over Coventry, the pigeons in my garden sulk and the wind rattles my window, my mind is alive with ideas for my next literary outpouring. 

But instead of a wonderful tale from my memories or current endeavours, I will write about how I happen to be writing this. Because, you see, it is a miracle of human perseverance. For me to be writing using this software, and on this computational device, without the aforementioned device not gracing the branches of the large shrub outside my window. 

(He means he was going to throw it out of the window in frustration -Ed)

The device in question is a Google Chromebook. A simple idea. A low-cost alternative to those altogether more shiny rectangles from that fruity-named company. But do not be fooled. Not for a moment, that finding myself able to write this at all, was not without some piffling, yet thoroughly annoying challenges. 

Let me begin with the Chromebook itself. Easy to set up and connect to the internet. It took minutes. Easy to plug into an external monitor, seconds to resolve. All good so far. But then, on looking at the applications available for me to actually do anything? 

Ah. 

There was nothing much of any use for me to use for writing. I paced my home office, getting more and more frustrated...

It appears that an alien spacecraft landed in my garden. And the humanoid form of one Zoberg Zoverax (he wore a name badge, I do remember that) took me aboard the sleek, silver craft and flew me at light speed to a planet around 1.3 light years away called Googaloid. 

On arrival Zoberg presented me with a rectangle of hi-tech glass and computeranium. 

“You will be able to write your human outpourings using this device,” he said. He provided me with a Translate-o-bot so I could understand what he said. 

“Er, thank you. Although my normal writing tools have a piece of eaten fruit as a logo—”

“DO NOT utter those words on this planet. You WILL BE banished forever from Googaloid. Meaning your ability to search the interweb will disappear. Amongst other things.”

The gist of his point being, that I was on a planet somewhere in the outer reaches of the Solar System that only allowed me to use what they deemed fit for computational use. 

You may be wondering how I remember any of this. Having been abducted by the humanoids that arrived aboard the sleek silver spaceship in my back garden in Coventry. The answer is, I think they left a memory chip inside my mind. Because, without asking, I can recall all the details of my visit to Googaloid but yet seem incapable of changing anything about it. 

Until the arrival of the penguin. 

Yes. That is what I said. The penguin. Not some terrifying half human from a Batman movie. But an actual penguin. From East London, judging by the way he spoke. 

“Awight, mate?” said the penguin who waddled into my home office. 

“Er, yes. Can I help—”

“Nah mate, what it is, right, what it is, I'm here to 'elp you, innit?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah, mate. See that Googaloid laptop yer 'ave there? It's only gonna work in the way of the Googaloids. But I know a way to get past that, innit?”

“Er, right. You do?”

“Yeah, easy, mate. Watch this…”

I watched. As the penguin sat in behind the Chomebook and flicked his way through settings to install something called 'Linux' that came with a Terminal. I noted that the system name was 'penguin'. He then pointed the Googaloid browser called Chrome to various websites. Entered a startling array of command into the terminal and then say back, smiling. 

“Right, mate. Sorted. Yer now have a Linux virtual machine installed. And I've added a couple of software programs to make life easier for yer. When yer need the Chromebook to be properly useful, look for the penguin, innit?”

“Er, right. Thanks, I think.”

“Nah problem. Right, 'ave yer got any fish? I'm starvin’.”

I didn't but he didn't seem to mind the bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps I offered. And it turned out to be true. Whatever the penguin did, I had software I could use that didn't need Googaloid permission to use. The Chromebook still worked and I had returned to Earth without so much as a blink. 

So, this comes to you from a Chromebook from the planet Googaloid. But with the penguin modifications to make it altogether more useful. If I happen to get abducted again, call the penguin.