The Science of Brain Farts

I rather like thought experiments. They are a great way of running amok in your mind and doing no harm whatsoever in the physical world. This article comes courtesy of one such thought experiment. 

There is a little-known organisation called the Fair Air Regulatory Team (F.A.R.T) who manage the output of creative writers. The name is a little confusing and needs further explanation. When I find someone to explain it, I’ll let you know—

“Oi! You’re supposed to be explaining it!”

“Me?”

“Yes, you!”

“And you are?”

“The editor, you fool. Now, get on and explain, immediately. “

Right, me then. But you see, I’m reluctant to talk about it because writers need to be careful talking about farts, crapping and toilets. Because all the jokes have been done many times. And people don’t always find them funny. ¹

But, you see, I'm not talking about farts from the general area of the arse. I'm talking about the ones that blow from my mind. 

“Oi! That’s not any use.”

“Are you going to keep interrupting me?”

“Only if your writing is rubbish.”

Blimey, the editor is in a mood today. Here goes…

Yes, there is such a thing as a mind pump, a thought toot and yes, a brain fart. But, they shouldn't been thought of as a mere toot. Some of them are useful. 

The FART monitors creative output because they know the good stuff comes from writers, poets, artists, musicians and jugglers when their minds are free from distraction and excessive wind. 

Here's what I mean. 

I was sitting writing one evening and nothing was happening. My mind was as empty as a whisky bottle at a drunks wedding. I drained my coffee and went to make another (crafty move, waiting for the kettle often lets ideas drift in). Nothing. I went back to my desk at stared into space. I'd love to stare into space with my own eyes. Telescopes are expensive. ²

And while I was contemplating that...

PAAARRRPPPP!!!

The idea farted into my mind out of thin air. Like one of those risky, unexpected bottom burps. I started writing, the words falling out faster than I could write them. Sort of. I mean, I did write them. I didn't stop. I daren’t. it case the idea drifted off. Like a fart on a breeze—

“That’s enough fart references!”

There once was a young man named Bart,
Who did let rip a massive fart,
It echoed around the room,
And it caused a sonic boom,
Then, it blew his arse cheeks apart. 

(Did the editor see that? No? Good, I got away with it, then.) 

I did say before, that when I write like this, the demons that live in my head fall asleep. So, don’t mind me while I conjure up more brain farts to share with you. They help. And farting is good for your colon. 

Right, I think this particular fart is almost done.  suffice to say that you should have when writing, it will allow your creative side to , flourish. 

Right, I must go and water the goldfish. See you next time…

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¹ He always laughs at fart jokes. He’ll never grow up. -Ed

² I had to stop him going on about the Solar System again -Ed.