The Shed - Getting Agitated

—I’ve got a new one for you today, Arthur. One that’s even simpler than AIDA. 

—Eh? Are yer trying to say I’m thick? 

—No! We are trying to be useful, remember?

—Aye. What would be proper useful—

—Yeah, I’ll put the kettle on. 

—Good lad. 

—Right, are you ready for my new one? 

—S’pose yer gonna tell me anyhow…

—Er, yeah. It’s P.A.S. 

—‘Ave yer got that the wrong way around? 

—Eh? 

—Not PAS but SAP. Because that describes you—

—Piss off, you. 

—No, it’s P.A.S. And it goes like this.

—Can’t wait. 

—‘P’ is for ‘Problem’. So, you’re gagging for a brew, right? And you can’t be arsed to make it? 

—I dunno where yer keep the tea bags. 

—Right, so, you have a problem. And now? Now I make it worse. I ‘A’ is for ‘agitate’. You are desperate for a brew but you don’t know where the tea bags are. And I do, so either you’ve got to wait for me to make it, or, you’ve got to—

—Fer fuck’s sake! Get on with it!

—Ta Da! I present you the new TEA CADDY! I solved your problem. You know where the tea bags are and that means you can make a brew when you want one. That’s the ’S’. A solution.

—I don’t get it. Likely because that kettle is on the go-slow. 

—Well, think about what I did. I gave you the problem. And a way to solve it. By making you feel the pain, the tea caddy is going to feel like a great idea. 

—Aye, you making the fuckin’ brew now the kettle is boiled is an even better one. 

…

—Right, now I’ve got me brew, let me ‘ave a think. 

—What do you reckon? I gave you the problem, made it clear and the gave you the solution. 

—Aye, ‘appen that’s not bad, that. A good way to sell summat. I can see that, like. 

—See? Even simpler than AIDA. 

—Not bad. Now, tea bags. Which ones did yer buy? 

—Yorkshire, obviously. 

—Good lad. You’ve learned somethin’ at least.