The Writer - Sweary Characters
The Writer
His eyes were fine if he discounted the bag of grit in each one. His head was fine if he ignored the headache over his eyes. And his stomach was fine if the constant cramping was in his imagination.
—Ageing sucks, Andy muttered.
Then his phone rang. It was ‘the editor’.
—Alright, mate?
—Yeah, I’ve had a read of your latest for the manuscript.
—And?
—I’ll give yer this, the character development is strong.
—Ta. I feel a but coming…
—Yeah. It’s a bit sweary.
—I write how my characters speak.
—Andy?
—Yep?
—We had this conversation. They’re not real people—
—They are to me. Like I said.
—Hmm.
—Hmm nothing. That’s how it works.
—Right, I’ll have another look.
—You do that.
They ended the call. Andy grinned. He was a daft sod, that editor. Worried about a few f-bombs. Oh, and a c-bomb last night. But it’s not there for effect. It’s there because that’s what the characters would say given the situation they were in.
He stood up. Looked out the window. The sky was doing its usual. Being grey and gloomy. Ah well, there was sun forecast later. And it wasn’t cold. That was one thing.
Mary popped her head around the door.
—I’ve read your new blog post.
—Ah, did yer like it?
—A short story, nice.
—Yep.
—Quite sweary.
—Blimey, not you as well.
—The editor?
—Yep.
—It’s still a cracking story though, I did like it.
—Great, thanks love.
—You know your characters?
—Yep?
—They speak to you don’t they?
—Er, I don’t want to sound bonkers—
—No, it’s fine. I get it. I can tell. It’s like reading an actual conversation.
—Really?
—Yep, definitely.
Andy walked over and hugged her.
—Daft sod! What was that for?
—Because, my love, that’s the best bit of praise I’ve ever had for my writing.
—Okay, how d’yer mean?
—Well, that’s what I’m aiming for. Always real conversations.
—Ah, gotcha. Well, yep. You’re nailing that one.
—Ta, love.
—Any chance of a brew?
She winked. And he followed her down the stairs to make a brew. She’d earned that one for sure.