Things That Make a Blog Post Work

Let us begin, readers, with the most important thing a blog post needs: words. 

Without words, a blog post is just a blank page, and while blank pages are very useful for shopping lists and origami, they are not terribly entertaining to read. Unless you are a psychic octopus.

A Title That Grabs You By The Eyebrows
If your blog post is called “Untitled Document 17,” you may as well call it “Please Ignore Me.” A good title should leap off the screen, do a little jig, and whisper, “Read me, you magnificent sausage!” For example: “How to Train Your Goldfish to Play Chess.” (Disclaimer: Goldfish are notoriously bad at chess.)

An Opening Line That Smacks You With a Wet Kipper
The first sentence should be so arresting that the reader drops their tea. For instance: “I once wrestled a giraffe in a library.” Now you want to know more, don’t you? (So do I. I’ve forgotten how it ended.)

Pictures, Or At Least Imaginative Descriptions
If you can’t draw, paint with words. “The cat looked like a furry meatloaf with whiskers.” See? Now you’re hungry and confused. Perfect.

Humour, Or Humor, Depending On Your Keyboard
A blog post without humour is like a custard pie without the custard. Or the pie. Or the plate. In other words, it’s just a mess. Throw in a joke, a pun, or a surreal observation about penguins in top hats.

A Point (Optional)
Some say a blog post should have a point. Others say it should have a porpoise. Either way, it helps if the reader leaves with something: a tip, a laugh, or a burning desire to knit socks for hedgehogs.

A Grand Finale
End with a bang, a whimper, or a recipe for invisible soup. For example: “And that, dear reader, is why you should never trust a blog post that doesn’t wear trousers.”

Now go forth and blog, armed with these tips and a slightly bewildered expression. And remember: if all else fails, blame the goldfish.

Now, I must dash, I have an appointment with an aerofoil.