Thunderstorms Form a Band

I read in the news feeds today that there is a threat of thunderstorms for a large part of the United Kingdom on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. The Rainfall Assessment Intensity Network (R.A.I.N) has declared it a yellow warning. Meaning the rain has a bounce factor of 89.67%. 

The bounce factor quantifies the probability of heavy rain striking hard ground, causing it to rebound and generate additional rainfall. 

Miss Penny Downpour from RAIN has confused matters somewhat. She announced that there would be a band of rain moving across the country. Driven by the high-level storms. 

The first band, ‘Heavy Showers,’ will perform at an undisclosed venue in southeast England. And another band called ‘Heavier Downpours’ will perform at an undisclosed venue in the West Country during Tuesday evening. 

We at the Coventry Dispatch (me) have been trying to find out who these meteorological-named musicians are. And why they choose to perform when there is a risk of thunderstorms. 

Mr Jack F Sharp from the Musicians Collective explained that they “were probably goths, playing dark and scary music.” While Miss Stormy Nites from the Music Extremely Tense And Loud (M.E.T.A.L) team said: “It’ll be proper cool if they play heavy metal. Yeahhhhh!!! Show us your horns!”

However, RAIN has also said that there is a risk of flooding. The thunderstorms will bring extensive precipitation, meaning rivers, streams and lakes are likely to get more water than they’ve seen for a while. 

Matters became somewhat more perplexing when a big bloke appeared on the Millennium Bridge in London with a hammer he almost certainly didn’t get from B&Q. He raised the hammer in the air and roared:

“I am Thor! God of thunder! Let the clouds roll in! Let the thunder boom loud and clear!”

People heard a local from the East End walking past say:

“Alright mate, calm down. That ’ammer looks proper ’eavy.”

RAIN put out a press release explaining that thunderstorms are very difficult to forecast because they arrive suddenly and usually in a bad mood. Forecast models can often identify the risk of thunderstorms across a wider area, but pinpointing where and when an individual storm will strike is very hard. Some suggest that the Weather Service should use meteorologists instead of models to track the storms. 

Right, The Coventry Dispatch has once again brought you a breaking news story. I tried not to break it, but I dropped it while writing. My concluding remarks are

(He didn’t have any -Ed)