How I Wrote a Book in a Day (and Other Signs of Imminent Madness)

had the day off work today. Most people in Coventry spend their day off doing sensible things like weeding the garden or wondering why the council hasn’t fixed that pothole.

I decided to birth a digital elephant.

As of 8:30 PM tonight, 'Write The Damn Book' is live on Kindle. This morning, it didn't exist. It was just a collection of grunts and "Quantum Confusion" inside my skull.

The Chronology of Chaos

I didn't wait for the Muse to kiss me on the forehead—she was probably down the pub anyway. I simply applied the "Andy Method" to my own life:

I Chose the Right Book: A mini-book that fits into the gaps of an actual, messy life.

I Refused to Edit while Bleeding: I threw the paint at the wall and told the "Editor in the Sharp Suit" to go and sit in the corner with a dunce cap on.

I Finished Ugly: The ending is blunt, the metaphors are exhausted, and the pigeons are terrified, but it is Finished.

The Author’s Hangover

If you see me in the supermarket tomorrow and I’m staring at the tinned peaches with the intensity of a man discovering fire, don't be alarmed. It’s just a "Strategic Cooling-Off Period". My brain has been running a marathon for twelve hours, and it currently feels like a vacuum that might accidentally suck in a passing seagull.

The lesson here is simple: If a 61-year-old development team manager with a typewriter-demon in his head can write a self-help book in a single day, you can probably finish that chapter you’ve been avoiding.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a chocolate biscuit with my name on it and a granddaughter who has informed me that my "Author Status" does not exempt me from finding her missing left sock.

The bus is at the top of the hill. The handbrake is off. Now, go away and Write Your Own Damn Book.

— Andy