The Sky, The Sea, and Something in My Eye
(a very British emotional overload) I didn’t plan to get emotional in Cowes. We were just having a wander — the sort of aimless meander...
Archives
2025
Scribbling For Bloggers
I’m a doodler. Sitting in meetings, or staring into space, I doodle. Sitting on a bus (inside, not on the roof) or a train? Out...
George Speaks
Arnold Figgins, an unremarkable writer with remarkable procrastination skills, sat hunched over his desk, staring at the blank page before him. His latest literary endeavour,...
Is It a Boat or a Ship? (And What the Hell is a Chain Ferry?)
The debate started somewhere between Portsmouth and Ryde. “Is this a boat or a ship?” I asked. Mary gave me a look that said: please...
The Woman Who Talked a Hole in the Train
We boarded the 09:05 from Waterloo full of optimism, crisps, and the smugness of people who had pre-booked their seats. Then she arrived. She sat...
F*ckwittery
I like tales that come straight from the boozer, Those tales that likely make you snort your beer, Laugh and fart at the same time...
Avoiding The Shadows
I’m not afraid of the dark. Never have been. But there are shadows in my mind that are best avoided. Like you avoid a big...
Limericks #3
There once was a hoover that said no, No matter the push, it wouldn’t go. The owner screamed “PAIN!” The hoover left a stain —...
Unwelcome Thoughts (Please Wipe Your Feet)
There’s a thought in my head. It’s not mine. It arrived uninvited last Tuesday and made itself comfortable somewhere behind my left eyeball. It brought...
On The Case(s)
SFX: [Gentle, whimsical music fades in. A clock chimes eleven. Footsteps on creaky floorboards.] NARRATOR (conspiratorial): It was a morning like any other, except it...
Setting Your Writing Free
Hello, there. I’m writing this from the point of view of someone pretending to be me. If that sounds weird, try being the person writing...
Writing Like Graffiti
I decided to write some stuff here like it’s a wall that needs some graffiti. Don’t know why. S’pose because I’ve always seen the web...
The Unbearable Lightness of Rain: A Holiday Odyssey
There are few terrors in life as profound as the existential dread of bad weather while on holiday. It is a fear older than civilisation...
Being a Universal Joggist
There are few human activities in the known universe more taxing than attempting to be a joggist. It is rather like intergalactic travel, but with...
The Final Working Day Before Holiday
It is a well-known and entirely unremarkable fact that the universe is mostly made up of empty space, dark matter, and the collective sighs of...
Upside Down
There I was, upside down in some poem, I didn’t know my arse from my elbow, There was a laugh: “That’ll bloody show him!” And...
The Emergency Sock Drawer: A User’s Guide
It is a little-known but vitally important fact that every home, no matter how meticulously organised or chaotically strewn with pizza flyers, contains an Emergency...
The Universal Remote Control
In the vast and mysterious universe of household gadgets, there exists an object so enigmatic, so profoundly pointless, that it has baffled philosophers, scientists, and...
Limericks #2
There once was a bloke called Phillip, Who’s mug emptied after he did fill it, He threw it with a roar, And it smashed on...
