There is a moment, a small segment of the day when it seems perfectly reasonable to whistle a merry tune. It may be in the early morning, while the day is finding its lungs, or late at night when the dark settles in for a shift. But the urge to whistle is equally likely to happen.

All together now: Twee—twee! And a Too-loo! Followed by a loud WHEW-T!.

Ah, whistling.

WHEW-WHOO!!

Who doesn’t like a good old whistle every now and then? It helps when you’re busy doing something tedious. Like recycling the dishes, watering the garden or collecting an errant wheelie bin from six streets away.

Too-loo! Tooooo-looo! Whew-T. You can make so many interesting and intriguing sounds via the simple action of pursing your lips. I tried using a wallet once, but the sound wasn’t right (Eh? -Ed).

There was a time, and any reader over the age of forty will recall it with nostalgia. when the streets resounded to the cheerful, if occasionally out-of-tune, whistling of tradesmen.

A milkman who could not execute The British Grenadiers in pitch-perfect staccato while balancing three crates of pint bottles was deemed unfit for his round.

Today, You can walk anywhere around the cities and towns and hear nothing save the dull thud of omnibus tyres, the pings and beeps of smartphones and the whine of electric scooters.

I propose the immediate establishment of the Royal Society for the Preservation of Whistling. Its responsibilities will be:

  1. Licensing: Awarding Certificates of Vocal Resonance to all tradespeople upon completion of a rigorous five-note examination.
  2. Key Signature Regulation: Banning all melancholy tunes in C minor before 10:00 AM.
  3. Pigeon Cooperation: Encouraging local pigeons to coo in harmony rather than interrupting melodies with erratic flapping. And no squawking from the crows. If however, a Robin wishes to join in, that should be encouraged.

Let us return song to our cobblestones before the century draws to its quiet, unmusical close.

And for those people who, for genetic reasons, cannot whistle, you can attend a course provided by the Worldwide Headquarters for Instruction in Superior Tooting and Lip Exercise (W.H.I.S.T.L.E) to learn how to carry out the fine art of tooting a merry tune.

There will be people who do not see this as a serious proposition. To which I say:

WHEW-WHOO!!